It's Been Awhile!!!

Well what a difference a month makes! London for my birthday, finances in order and a cut up and out of the negative people in my life. I think 2010 is going to be a fabulous year!! I've learned that my family is such a blessing. Through the worst year of my life, I couldn't have asked for more support. I love you guys. As for the friendships I've had, some rekindled, others torn apart, but nonetheless all in good reason. Still one thing remains.....I miss my city. :( We'll see where my journey takes me, but I have a great feeling! Stay tuned..... :-)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yep, me again......(weird?) Off my usual soapbox...onto bigger and better things these days. I can finally comprehend the reasoning behind the saying "Everything happens for a reason". One day, you feel like you are riding the ferris wheel of self pity and loathing, the next day (or maybe 6 months later lol), you are riding the rollercoaster of which direction to go next and it feels great. Today, I am choosing to ride that rollercoaster. I'm not sure where I will go next, but I can tell you one very important fact. I am determined....more than ever. My closest friends can attest to the fact that over the recent months I've gone from the lowest of low to riding this spectacular "American Eagle" (rollercoaster for you non-lovers of Six Flags). Things are coming full circle and I am so motivated to chase things I've always wanted. So for those of you who have been supportive in one way or another, I love you for it and am thankful for the prayers. Sometimes I don't say it enough, but just know I know who you are even if we don't speak often. I know I have a hard time being "committal" when it comes to plans, but now that things are back in order, Stacy is back in action! :-)
I'm really excited for what 2010 will bring for myself, my family and my dearest friends. I wish you all happiness, love and fulfillment of your dreams. Merry Christmas and Happy 2010!
Love,
Stacy

Talk Is Cheap

So I've had a lot of time to think lately....here I go again!!! There are many things over the last couple of years that I have just omitted from common conversation. If you are the person that only calls/texts me on the weekends, you aren't my friend. If you are the person that can't pick up the phone or return my texts, you aren't my friend. If you are a person that I can easily cross with no conscience, you aren't my friend and there are underlying reasons filled with hurt as to why I do it. If you are the person that constantly expects a one-sided friendship, you aren't my friend. And now I state the obvious, if you are THAT person that betrays me at my lowest point, guess what? That's right, you aren't my friend. I am clearing the slate people, so if you end up on the end that has been erased, I feel sorry for you. I am a good person. I am more than a friend of convenience. I am more than that fair weather friend. If you wanted to talk to me, you would. If you cared about my feelings and what was happening in my life, you'd pick up the phone once in a while. If you knew me at all, you would understand that things like this stew inside me to no end. If you knew me at all, you would be my friend. And with that I leave you all with this quote:
"So if I have to leave you, I want you to know that in the end, it wasn't because I stopped caring. It was because you stopped being a friend."

Thanksgiving & The Things I Am Thankful For

Ahhh, so home for the first Thanksgiving in quite some time. I am definitely thankful for my family. I've been through a lot this year and they somehow keep my head above water. My friends....well there are those I truly cherish and there are those I am happy to have now excluded from my life. Afterall, I am 30 now ;-). With that being said, I am thankful for my health, my career and most of all, my ability to realize the things that are truly important to me. I understand that not everyone is as fortunate and blessed as I have been no matter how many tribulations I face. I have to understand that this is HIS way of providing me with unwavering strength for the future. So, I hope that everyone is grateful for something and is blessed in their own way. Happy Thanksgiving, Friends! :-)

Here It Goes! (Part 1)

I can’t even begin to explain what an enormous failure I feel like. Between making mistakes and trying to fix them, I feel so constricted it’s hard to breathe. I can only hope that I made good decisions along this path that have avoided further destruction. That’s right, it’s finally the meltdown and destruction of myself. I hate the fact that I feel like I am a great person, only to learn that people don’t think the same of me. I’ve been through so many betrayals by great friends and financial pitfalls this year, it’s hard for me to think what life would have been like had I stayed in Chicago. I hate living here. I hate the fact that the friends I had for so long turned out to be the most self loathing pieces of shit. I hate that I racked up finances throughout my stay in Chicago only to turn around and move home to try and save money and have it slapped in my face when the bills came. So what now? Where I will go, I have no idea. I am making advances in the right direction, but for some reason , they are consistently obstructed. I question what is wrong with me and where in life I went so wrong. I know I can’t feel sorry for myself forever, but for now, it’s all I have. Am I turning into a self loathing piece of shit, just like those assholes wanted? At least I can breathe easy knowing….1) I don’t have children I view as restrictions on my social life, 2) I try to do what is right and 3) I know my boundaries and I know what I have to do to make things right. So to “them” I say better luck next time, my focus is me, myself and I. I have no time to fall into the demise of self loathing as you have. I’m too smart for that.